Reverse
by FlappieDungeon
Summary: This is Barney Stinson's love story in reverse. Of how Robin Scherbatsky un-broke his heart; how they were deliriously happy together; and how finally, he forgot about her completely.


Life is uninteresting. Tedious. Empty. Lonely. So many girls to sleep with, none of them truly satisfying the emptiness he feels in his heart. None of them are Robin Scherbatsky, his favorite heartbreaker.

He straightens his tie and holds back his tears.

He knows that he'll never get over her. But the last thing he'll ever do, for her, is to grow up and be a better version of himself.

He doesn't want to be the sartorial Barney who lives life without a purpose. He wants to be the Barney Stinson who loves unselfishly. The one who would make the love of his life, his _everything_.

He wants to survive having his heart broken. He wants to emerge victorious from this heartbreak and wait for Robin to come back when she realizes that they're two parts that make up a whole.

He hopes. He waits.

* * *

Google tells him that it _is_ possible to die from heartbreak. Robin would laugh at him if he did, so he perseveres and doesn't succumb to the temptation to give up.

* * *

"Goodbye, Robin."

He doesn't cry. He's consumed by numbness. He's holed up in his office for _days _till his secretary begs him to go home; worried and terribly concerned about her usually upbeat and inappropriate boss.

Strange, was she actually commenting on the state of his suit?

He walks into the bathroom and looks at himself in the mirror. He looks awful.

The worst part is when he realizes that he doesn't care.

* * *

Robin leaves. For good.

Barney feels like his heart's been crushed into a million pieces. It hurts more than anything he's ever faced; and this is coming from a guy who got hit by a flipping bus.

He feels like it's going to kill him, and should he ever survive it, he vows to never believe in love again.

He reminds himself that nothing is worth the pain.

* * *

Happiness and love isn't enough. They don't have the maturity to make the relationship work. Neither of them are willing to back down and admit their faults.

They don't communicate. They evade and elude proper conversations.

If they took the time to just _talk_, they'll know that their relationship isn't doomed. Robin wants Barney to follow her around the world. Barney wants to stay by her side and spread his awesomeness one person at a time. Anything, as long as they have each other.

_"We're going to conquer the world together; Stinson-Scherbatsky style."_

If they took the time to _understand_, they'll know that they can't live without the other.

Marshall, Lily, and Ted can only _try _to get them to see what's in front of them.

But they're both too stubborn and unprepared to face the reality of loving someone unequivocally.

* * *

"We're going to be okay."

He runs his fingers through her hair and his breath hitches when she sighs at him contentedly.

"Please let us be okay."

* * *

"You can't always be this selfish. And childish."

It's like a slap to his face. He's trying to change, but he doesn't know what else to do.

He doesn't know how to communicate, especially since he's spent most of his life hiding things, bottling up feelings so that he doesn't have to share anything. With anyone.

He doesn't know how to change and the realization that this imperfection of his may very well cost him his relationship with Robin, makes him sick.

* * *

_Avoid avoid avoid._

It's their mantra. Their relationship motto.

They're happy.

He's happy.

* * *

They go for dates and they have _so much _fun together.

They avoid fights completely in their own unique way. It's no basis for a lasting relationship, but Barney believes that they're the exception.

They're best friends who love each other. They have a lot of awesome, mind-blowing sex, and they're really happy together.

That's the point, right? Being happy?

* * *

They have their first fight.

Barney can't seem to change his habit of leering at other girls and chatting them up. Robin can't open up to him and keeps it all inside instead.

They're both making the effort to change, but neither of them take the initiative to tell the other that they're _trying_.

It merely seems that they're both not playing their part in making the relationship work.

By the end of it, nothing is resolved. They don't talk about it. Robin goes to Russia for a week while Barney secretly wallows in self-pity and misery as he hangs out with the rest of the gang. He laughs at the right places, offers his advice and stories when the situation calls for it, and he pretends that everything is just fine.

Barney concludes that all future fights are to be avoided at all cost.

* * *

Robin has this insane fascination for penguins. No one knows why, but Barney adores this strange fact about her.

Barney buys her a ridiculously huge stuffed penguin for her birthday. She offers him a beautiful smile after she kisses the living daylights out of him, which makes him feel like a chocolate that's been left on a pavement during a swelteringly hot day.

He _melts_.

* * *

The first time he tells her that he loves her, she's asleep in his arms.

The second time, she's nursing her hangover. She laughs when he tells her she's beautiful, and that he loves her more than anything in the world.

It doesn't occur to him that she wouldn't believe him.

It doesn't occur to her that he meant it with every fibre of his being.

* * *

They make out. Laugh at crude jokes together. Have sex. Play practical jokes on Ted. Dare the other to do something fantastically ridiculous and giggle about it in bed.

Barney starts to believe in love. In fate. Hell, even destiny. Once upon a time, he was an unbeliever, a person who was convinced that he was undeserving of happiness and love.

He's never been so glad to be proven wrong.

* * *

"Want to play Battleship?"

Robin raises her eyebrows at his sudden question. Barney notes that she doesn't seem shocked or flustered at his admission, so there's that, at least.

"Took you long enough to ask."

"I mea- wait say what now?"

"Well, Battleship_ is _an internationally recognized term for sex, right?"

A particularly wide grin appears on his face.

"Scherbatsky, you're a marvel."

"Two and a half months, Barney. Now kiss me, or let me finish this scotch in peace."

Barney lunges forward, cups her cheeks with his hands, and finally, kisses all sense out of her mind.

He feels like he's flying.

* * *

He goes to Lily for advice. He slightly regrets his decision.

"You can't get rid of feelings!"

"Don't they have a prescription for it or something? I don't like it. I don't like it one bit."

"It's not a disease."

"It should be. I didn't even sleep with Robin, and I caught feelings! This is terrible."

"It's normal to have fee-"

"I mean, I have all these symptoms. Like... like this tingly feeling at the edge of my fingertips that I get when she's feeling sad, and this constant... thing that I feel when she makes me laugh, you know, like when you go on a roller coaster and you fall ten storeys down an-"

"Woah. You've got it bad."

"You're not helping! You're supposed to be helping. And here you are. Not helping! Help!"

"Barney. Calm down."

"How the hell am I supposed to calm down I have this disease in me that oh god what if-"

"CALM DOWN."

Barney sits on the sofa and shuts up immediately.

"Huh. Guess I got a bit scary there."

Barney nods, eyes wild and verging on hysterical.

"I think you guys would make a great couple."

"Wha-"

"Shut up. I'm not done yet. If you want Robin, you have to stop sleeping around, hooking up with... uhm... how do I put this delicately?"

"Anything willing. And with a pulse." Marshall nods decisively, proud of his contribution, and sneaks back into the room in a way that he considers subtle.

Lily rolls her eyes and despairs of her life.

* * *

They're not dating.

Ugh, what a repulsive concept.

Barney Stinson doesn't date. He doesn't want to Robin's _boyfriend_.

He doesn't want to be Robin's anything.

He figures that if he tells himself that often enough, maybe he'll believe it eventually.

* * *

Marshall insists that it's love at first mug.

Yeah, that's also when the bad puns started making their way into Marshall's daily speech.

* * *

The gang welcomes Robin with open arms.

Barney is impressed by how fast the gang warms up to her and he can't seem to stop smiling.

He is less impressed when Robin refutes his story and tells them of how _she_ saved _him_. The rest of the night is spent with everyone calling him the damsel in distress.

He sulks for thirteen minutes before she pulls him out of his funk by telling him that he's an idiot.

* * *

It takes him one and a half days to call her.

The three days rule seemed quite ridiculous anyway.

* * *

Barney has no idea how he got home; though when he remembers, he (manfully) hides under his blanket and hopes he's able to die of shame.

He doesn't die of shame. Out of happiness, maybe.

Because stuck on his fridge is a note, with a certain Robin Scherbatsky's mobile number and a reminder that he owes her a huge favor for all that she's done.

* * *

A huge company deal goes south due to the idiocy of incompetent buffoons in his office. He spends a whole week trying to resolve the situation since he's the - of the company; (like he's going to tell you what he does, pfft, _puh-lease_) and by the end of the week, he's completely drained.

He doesn't go to McLaren's. Nor does he meet up with the gang, because he hates it when they see him being less than his usual awesome self. He feels like he doesn't have much to offer other than his beyond outrageous stories; god knows the reason why they would hang out with him if it weren't for his escapades.

"Is this seat taken?"

Oh.

Wow. His imagination is really vivid when he's drunk. Awesome. He can even _smell_her hair when he's in this drunk, inebriated, state.

Fabulous.

"Hello? Mr-Armani-Who-Got-Mugged-The-Other-Day? You there?"

He tilts his head and smiles at her.

"Hey." He whispers.

"God, you're completely drunk, aren't you?"

He nods. Who the hell cares if he's talking to a figment of his own imagination?

"Shame. I was looking forward to knowing your name."

"Barney Stinson. I'm awesome, d'ya know that?"

"Are you now?"

"Mhhm. And... he-here's a secret, okay?" He leans in conspiratorially, looking every bit like a person about to reveal a secret.

"You're awesome too."

* * *

He's busy murdering the new barista with his eyes when he hears her voice. He looks around frantically, hoping to see her. The bitter taste of disappointment makes him irritated at himself, until he looks to the right and sees her reading the news on television.

Robin Scherbatsky of Metro News One.

He doesn't stop smiling for the rest of the day.

* * *

It bothers him that he never asked for her number. Or her last name.

He concludes that he's an idiot for more reasons than one, and tries to cheer himself up by sleeping with a bimbo who laughs at everything he says.

He sneaks out of her apartment and he wonders what Robin would say about his womanizing ways.

He tells himself he doesn't care; and hates himself a little when he reminds himself that Barney Stinson isn't relationship material.

He doesn't believe in love. In fate. In destiny. He doesn't believe in all that because it's something that will never happen to _him_.

* * *

The memory of how Robin laughed when she saw him having a panic attack caused by the hole in his Armani suit is deeply ingrained in his mind.

It distracts him for _days_.

* * *

Barney tells the gang the story of how he saved a certain damsel in distress with the aid of a baseball bat and his crazy awesome ninja skills.

He mentally congratulates himself when they look slightly impressed. He's 17% sure that none of them believe him, but hey, it's a brilliant story and it's entertaining as hell.

* * *

The third time Barney's ever been mugged in his life, is also the first time he ever meets Robin.

Simply put, the robbers never knew what hit them.

(It was Robin Scherbatsky, dressed in her pajamas and equipped with a mere baseball bat. The robbers were being too noisy, and it's so _not_cool to interrupt someone's sleep with such ruckus.)

* * *

Marshall makes a joke and Lily giggles along. They share a look, one full of adoration and fondness for the other; and Barney feels a pang of _something_, that is definitely _not _jealousy.

"You two are so gross."

A synchronized eye-roll is what he receives in response, and he feels the ache in him again. He wonders if he'll ever experience the same thing.

Horrified at his own line of thought, he decides that a visit to the doctor's is probably for the best.

* * *

Life is mundane. Boring. Dull. Meaningless. So many girls to sleep with, none of them truly satisfying the emptiness he feels in his heart.

No. That's not how he's supposed to feel.

He's Barney Stinson, master of the possimpible, lover of all things awesome and legendary, a suit-loving man with impeccable taste, and a serial womanizer who needs no change in his insanely fantastic life.

Life is exciting. Extraordinary. Entrancing. Worthwhile. So many girls to sleep with, and 83% of them are dumb enough to fall for his completely awesome plays.

He tells himself that it's enough.

It has to be.

* * *

Bimbos. Where would Barney Stinson be without them?

He gives the busty blonde his most charming smile and winks at her devilishly.

"Haaaaaave you met me?"

Ah. Just a regular day in the beyond-awesome life of Barney Stinson. Keep the jealousy to a minimum ladies, cause there's more than enough of the legendary Stinson charm to go round.

* * *

A/N: Basically, this is my personal headcanon about Barney. I think he's really brilliant and insecure about himself, but he just pretends to be super sleazy and dumb so that people won't have extremely high expectations set for him. Like, he chooses to be known as a complete jerk who cares about himself, period; but there's more to him that_ he_ doesn't want to acknowledge.

This is my take on how things may turn out if Barney never grew as a person/character as we've see in the past few seasons. In canon, he's now more open and less selfish (to a certain extent; he's still an idiot in many ways, not going to sugarcoat that fact) but he's not afraid of love anymore. He's embracing it; willing to be a better person for Robin. It's great.

I'm rambling now, so thanks for reading and any feedback would be great. Tell me what you think, or if you thought it was too OOC, let me know. Also, I'm really hoping the story isn't to confusing with the way it's written. You can actually read it as it's written, or from bottom to top; either way is fine. It'll make sense. I think.

I'm open to criticism and feedback. I LOVE HEARING FROM YOU GUYS. I'LL SHUT UP NOW. FAREWELL, AND HAVE A GREAT DAY.


End file.
